Everyone always says that kids change your life. Guess what?
They were right.
I can honestly say that I am a different person than I was 4 weeks ago. Sure I look the same, and certain characteristics are the same, but Abigail has changed my approach to life, vocations, and family.
I realized very soon after her birth that my vocation, the role in life that God has chosen for me, my route to heaven, is that of a husband and a father. Period. Many people would argue that my job also could be considered my vocation, but I see it differently. My job is merely a way to provide for my family at home. There was a very intense feeling of guilt that came with my return to work, especially the days where I would have to be gone for most of the day, leaving Diana and Abigail at home alone. It was days like those where I was thankful that Diana understands her vocation as a wife and mother.
I think much trouble comes from a skewed view of family. Many call it archaic and oppressive, but when I think about all of the families that I know that have qualities that I hope to emulate (faithful, respectful, modest, etc.) many, if not all of them have a husband that works full time and a wife that stays at home and cares for the children and home. I find it in a way beautiful that God provides for us like that.
One night when we were in the hospital, I went to the nursery with Abigail to have blood drawn for her PKU and bilirubin. While I was waiting for the nurse to be done, another baby was being bathed and a nurse (1) came in and asked the nurse (2) bathing that baby if the grandmother could see the baby. Nurse 2 said that nurse 1 would have to ask the parents if it was OK (to me indicating some family conflict that the parents would not want grandma to see baby). Nurse 1 came back a short while later and said that the father said she could see but not touch. Nurse 2 proceeded to open the blinds on the nursery door and hold the baby up to the window so grandma could take pictures with her camera phone. I was so overcome with such sorrow and sadness that there are family situations that necessitate restrictions such as this that I began to weep (ironically enough, the first time I cried in the hospital was not because of my baby!).
I began then to think about all of the single mothers who are tasked with raising children alone, or the families that have abusive husbands, or any other of the domestic situations that kids face. A couple weeks prior, Diana and I had been recieveing many pieces of mail from different groups of priests asking for donations for their particular ministries. We disregarded many of these because we did not feel a particular connection to the group or ministry. I know now, that I would like our family to be involved with a group that ministers to or is involved with improving family life and helping families that are less fortunate raise their children in a Catholic home. If you know of any such groups, please let me know!
Further reflection on my vocation as a husband and father found me reflecting on how I might better live out this vocation. One of the blog communities I frequent is Catholic Dads, a blog for, well, Catholic Dads. Their tagline is, "because we need all the help we can get". While it is funny, I believe it is all too true that true Catholic fatherhood is not very popular in today's society. The man is supposed to be in charge and all that jazz. What this notion fails to recognize is the extreme humility that comes with Catholic fatherhood. Many people look at the following passage and draw from it the oppressive nature of marriage:
- Wives should be subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body. As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. (Eph 5:22-25)
Another nice little resource that Catholic Dads introduced me to is the 10 commandments of a Husband and Father.
One of the interesting things that I drew from reading that is that a husbands love must be directed as follows: God, wife, children. I find myself often not paying attention to how Diana is doing for the sake of Abigail. I also fall into the trap of not spending any time in personal prayer or prayer with Diana and I because I/we are too busy with the Abigail. I must remember that my love must be directed to God first, then Diana, then my children.
So how do I do that? Well first I must remember that God does not require big, drastic changes right away (in most cases). Secondly, I need to remember that how Diana and I express our faith and pass it to Abigail must be OUR decision. I can not just decide that we are going to start doing a bunch of things without her input. Thirdly, after reading Stephen Wood's Legacy, he made a very interesting point that the home does not need to be a monastery where every waking moment is steeped in prayer and contemplation. Rather, my children are most likely to recieve the faith from Diana and I by the example that I set. Therefore, I want to make sure that Abigail sees us say grace before meals and sees mommy and daddy praying together and spends time at church and getting to know the aforementioned families that emulate the qualities I wish our family to have. I must stay focused on God and on His will for my family.
I pray that God continue to bless our family as He has so far and that He continues to mold our hearts and wills to His.
St. Joseph, patron of families, champion of purity, and model of humility, pray for us!
ps. my apologies if this post does not sound very well organized, I had a lot on my mind!
